A Very Cheesy Story
by Hanyou Hugger
Summary: My first Inuyasha fanfic ^_^;;; Lots of cheese, incest (not what you think), and pasty legs! Tell me whatcha think!


Disclaimers: Ummm... I don't own Inuyasha or hillbillies or cheese.... Well, maybe cheese, but not as fine a cheese as this, let me tell you!!! But I do have lots and lots of love! Don't you feel it?  
  
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A Very Cheesy Story  
  
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Kagome stood silently, with her back pressed against a large tree, shadows playing on her anxious features. This was it; she was going to do it. The schoolgirl tentatively stepped out from her hiding place into a small enclosure where a certain hanyou was resting. Her heart beat quickly in her chest as she thought about what would happen when she finally confronted him. How he would reply would change their relationship forever. Would they still be friends or...? The dog youkai's ears perked up as she approached, head bowed down, the lustrous black hair providing a curtain over her face. Kagome looked up, determination in her smoky eyes. She locked gazes with him as she prepared herself to say the three little words that had been racing through her mind all day.  
  
"Inuyasha...?"  
  
"W-what?" The hanyou was startled by her peculiar behavior. Did he do something wrong? Was she leaving him?  
  
"Where's my cheese???"  
  
"...What?"  
  
"I saw you eyeing my cheddar this morning!!! I brought it from my world, picking the most delectable piece from the fridge and making sure it was packed nice and neat in my backpack.... And now it's gone!!! Where is it???"  
  
"...You came out here looking like that, and you just want to know where your stinkin' cheese is??? I didn't go near your cheese!!! I knew you would kill me if I ate it so I came out here to get away from that tempting aroma..."  
  
"If you didn't take it, then who did???" Kagome stamped her foot with impatience. The thought of another even touching her delicacy was agony. She would have to ask the others if they had seen anyone go near her cheese, or if they had...  
  
"Oi, do you want to find that cheese or not? If I help ya, I get half, okay?" Inuyasha interrupted Kagome's thoughts. That cheese was his, darn it!!!  
  
"Ok, ok! Just let me ask the others and see if they've seen it, and if we find it THEN we'll talk about percentages, capiche?"  
  
And with that they marched off to the camp, the thought of the sweet cheddar morsel on their taste buds urging them forward for the whole short journey. The duo spotted Shippou playing ahead with a yellow shaped object...  
  
"OI!!! Brat!!! What do you think you're playing with, eh???" Inuyasha ran ahead, dust flying behind him as he made his way to the puzzled kitsune. He fiercely grabbed the collar of his shirt and snatched the object as Kagome hurriedly caught up.  
  
"Inuyasha!!! Osuwari!!!"  
  
"Gaaaaaaahmmmmf...!!!"  
  
"Shippou-chan, are you alright???" Kagome picked up the young kitsune and hugged him to her chest.  
  
"What the hell do you think you're doing??? He took the cheese!!! It's right--" Inuyasha pulled his face from the earth and supported half his weight on his arm.  
  
"It's a toy boat, baka!!! Kagome gave it to me last week for a present!!!" Shippou stuck his tongue out at the hanyou and snuggled deeper into Kagome's protective embrace.  
  
"You stay here, Mr. Bakapants, while I go ask Miroku-sama and Sango-chan if they saw anything... Oh! You didn't see who took my cheese did you, Shippou-chan?"  
  
"Nuh-uh! I was here the whole time! Let's go!!!"  
  
Kagome and Shippou left the now cursing Inuyasha to himself while he tried to stand, failing miserably.  
  
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"...And that's why the Bat Tootsie was a good idea for defeating evil..." Miroku concluded as Sango listened to him attentively. Ah, yes! Rooting around in Kagome's backpack and looking at those odd and flimsy books had its perks. Just a little more rambling and Sango surely wouldn't mind if he happened to...  
  
"Miroku!!! Saaaaaangoooo!!!" The high pitched squeak of Shippou disrupted any other future thoughts Miroku was forming in his head. The houshi had a sudden desire for a large and blunt object.  
  
"Why you little...Ah! Kagome-sama!!!" The violent thoughts of 101 ways to hurt a kitsune fled from his mind and were replaced by the length of a certain schoolgirl's uniform...  
  
"Miroku-sama, Sango-chan! Have you seen my cheddar cheese???" Kagome stopped running and straightened her skirt, furthering Miroku's thought, hope welling in her chest at the thought of seeing her beloved cheese again.  
  
"Cheddar...cheese? What is this...cheese?" Sango was perplexed. Cheese? She had never heard of such a thing... something from Kagome's world, it must be!  
  
"Whosajiggawhaaaa??? You've never heard of cheese, Sango-chan??? I think they have cheese in these times, don't they, Miroku-sama?" Kagome began to feel faint. To think, someone who she was so close to, was living their life never experiencing the taste of parmesan or mozzarella or even goat cheese... The thought was unnerving!  
  
"Yes, we do have cheese, Kagome-sama... Sango-chan, why is it that you have never heard of cheese before? It is awfully common... What type of environment did you live in, if I may ask?"  
  
"Well, our village was pretty high up in the mountains... I guess we were rather isolated, now that I think about it. Everyone knew each other and we were all pretty close. We just spent all out time killing youkai so I suppose we didn't really develop this 'cheese' you speak of..." Sango finished her tale. Why were they looking at her like that? Finally Kagome broke the uncomfortable silence.  
  
"You were a bunch of hillbillies...?"  
  
"Whaa--?!"  
  
"If you were all so close, could there have been a slight chance of... incest perhaps...?"  
  
"What are you all talking about??? We weren't...!!! INCEST???"  
  
Before it could become any more awkward, Inuyasha, finally regaining the use of his limbs came charging into the camp area.  
  
"KAGOME! DID YOU FIND THE CHEESE YET??? YOU BETTER NOT HAVE EATEN MY HALF!!!"  
  
"Oh right!!! The cheese!!! Miroku-sama, have you seen my cheese? Someone stole it and I was hoping you saw who did it!!!"  
  
"Hmmm... Now that I think of it.... Could your cheese be over in near that evil aura, Kagome-sama?"  
  
They all looked over to see a large and menacing aura emanating from a castle in the distance.  
  
"...Huh. First time I saw that... How could we miss that sucker, eh? Oh well, come on, Kagome! That half of the cheese is calling me!" Before waiting for a reply, Inuyasha picked Kagome up and placed her on his back, running with the speed of a desperate man in dire need of his cheese.  
  
"...Well then. Say, Shippou... Would you like to help your ole' pal Miroku get Sango-sama to talk about the fun topic of 'family love'?"  
  
"Mmmmm...Kay!!! So, Sango! Did you love your brother, eh? Eh???"  
  
"Gaaaaaaaah!!! Get away from me! You've soiled that young kitsune's mind, houshi-sama!!!"  
  
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The wind blew in Kagome's fine hair as their goal came closer and closer. She brushed aside the strands that were whipping at her face as she focused on the inevitable task she was preparing to partake in. Whoever stole her cheese meant business. It wasn't going to be easy getting it back. All too son, the castle was looming before them, its gigantic shadow casting over the girl and hanyou. Inuyasha felt Kagome tremble as he placed her down.  
  
"It's okay, Kagome! We're going to get that cheese back, no matter what!"  
  
"I hope so, Inuyasha... I hope so..."  
  
The both of them walked cautiously to the entrance, only to see a horrible sight unfold before them.  
  
"Kyaaa!!! My eyes!!! They burn!!!"  
  
"Kagome!!! Look away!!!"  
  
Before them was Naraku. Out of his baboon pelt. Stretched out on a lawn chair. Sunbathing.  
  
"Oh my God!!! You're so... so... pasty!!!"  
  
"I told you to look away, Kagome!!! Naraku!!! Where's--"  
  
"Kyaaa!!! He's making Kagura, his own offspring, rub tanning lotion on him!!! Incest!!! Inceeeest--"  
  
"If I don't do this he'll kill me, got it? You think you have it bad by just looking at the guy... Now, if it were Sesshoumaru...." Kagura defended herself, still rubbing the lotion over one of Naraku's ungodly white legs while she wooed over her beloved. "Wait...did you say incest?"  
  
"I, Naraku, am offended by your accusation! What are you doing in this Naraku's secret fortress? It is improper to barge into someone's, especially an arch nemesis's, evil stronghold uninvited. What do you want? My legs pale as we speak."  
  
Inuyasha, clawed hands covering his eyes, replied, thoughts of the cheese keeping him from fleeing in horror. "I came for the cheese, Naraku! Hand it over!!!"  
  
"Cheese? Why would this Naraku want something as meaningless as cheese?"  
  
"...Naraku."  
  
"Ah, the young girl speaks! Hurry up and say your piece so I, Naraku, can relax in peace."  
  
"Do you dare to insult the cheese Naraku? Do you DARE???" Before Naraku, apparently oblivious to the wrong doings he has committed, can so much as move a ghostly white toe, an arrow has pierced his cheeseless heart.  
  
"...Well then. That solves a lot of my problems. Now just to get the image out of my head..." Inuyasha furiously shook his head, the image of Naraku's disturbingly feminine legs still imprinted in his mind.  
  
"Woohoo!!! No more lotion for me me! Oooo, or waxing!!! Now to find my dear Sesshoumaru..." And with that, Kagura ran out from castle, joyous cries erupting from her throat.  
  
"I have avenged the cheese's honor. But now we have no leads...Pooh." Kagome sighed and lowered her bow, her face crestfallen.  
  
"There, there, Kagome... We'll find the cheese... If we search long enough we'll find it! I swear!!!"  
  
"Do you mean it, Inuyasha???" Kagome's face lit up, the natural glow returning to her cheeks.  
  
"Yes, Kagome. I..You...That cheese means everything to me... To us..."  
  
"Oh, Inuyasha!!! I--"  
  
"Hold it right there or the cheese gets it!!!"  
  
About to share their understanding for their love of the cheese, Kagome and Inuyasha are interrupted by a familiar figure.  
  
"No, it can't be--"  
  
"Not even you are capable of--"  
  
"Yes, I! Kikyou! I stole your cheese! Ahahahahahahahaha!!!"  
  
"But...why Kikyou...? That cheese... is it ok...?  
  
"Of course! But now it's mine!!! We are alike in almost every aspect, girl, but now that I have the cheese, I am superior!!!"  
  
Kagome fell to her knees. No, this couldn't be. Kikyou... she had the cheese. She had her cheese. She could hear Inuyasha slowly move forward toward the miko as tears streamed down her face.  
  
"Kikyou..."  
  
"Inuyasha..."  
  
"Kikyou..."  
  
"Inuyasha..."  
  
"Cheese..."  
  
"Inu-- wha?"  
  
"The cheese, Kikyou. Give it to me."  
  
"No! It's my cheese!!! It's mine!!! Take it and I take you to hell!!! You hear me???"  
  
"As long as the cheese is safe, I would go with you anywhere and endure anything. Just leave the cheese out of this."  
  
"But--"  
  
"Kikyou. The cheese. NOW."  
  
"Fine! Take it! Even without the cheese I'm too much of a miko for her!!! Now about that doing anything, Inuyasha..."  
  
Inuyasha looked at Kagome and gave her a weak smile. Would he really do that for her cheese? She slowly got to her feet and stopped next to Inuyasha, looking him in the eye. He nodded and she gradually extended her hand to hover directly above the cheese. So long had she waited for this moment. Kagome gently placed her dainty fingertips on the cheese, the soft touch engulfing her senses. At that moment, Kikyou, who had been thinking of taking the cheese and running for it, the treasure in her hand being cheese and all, all of a sudden felt the souls that kept her living torn from her body.  
  
"M-my souls...? W-why...?"  
  
"Kikyou... I am ashamed of you... Were you thinking of running with the cheese? Were you even contemplating such a dastardly act?"  
  
"Maybe..."  
  
"Kikyou... You know what happens when you dishonor the cheese. You knew it belonged to Kagome and you stole it. You even agreed to give it to her and you were thinking of running? Shameful, Kikyou, shameful. All who dirty even the name of the cheese meet their untimely doom."  
  
"It seems in her case the souls she collected left, the body they were inhabiting too disgusting to even..."  
  
"Inuyasha...I feel so... filthy!!! Waaaaaaah!!!"  
  
"Well, that's what you get. C'mon, Kagome! Let's see my half of the cheese!"  
  
And Kagome and Inuyasha leave Kikyou alone in the forest to think of the wrongs she has done. Somehow she is able to do this even though all the souls left her. It's a mystery of life. But back to Kagome and Inuyasha...  
  
"Mmmmm... cheeeese... I can't wait to taste it.... Hurry up and cut it Kagome!!!" Inuyasha paced impatiently on the forest floor, away from anyone who would even so much as glance at the cheese in the wrong way.  
  
"Just be patient, Inuyasha!!! I have to cut it perfectly down the center so we get equal pieces!!! Now let's see... if this part is 4 and 1/2 inches then..."  
  
And so the couple spends the rest of the night dividing the cheese into equal portions, the end result being two tempting hunks of cheddar goodness.  
  
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Meanwhile...  
  
"Hello? Is anyone there? I've lost all my souls and I can't get up! I need-- ah! A friendly little chipmunk! Go get help, Mr. Chipmunk! Go get-- Eeeeyaaaa!!! You bit me! You bit me right on the finger! If I could bleed I would be right now! Bleed right on you!!! Get away from me! Oh! A nice little blue bird! You won't bite me, will you? Yes, a nice little-- Eeeeeek!!! You're attacking my hair!!! Heeeelp me!!! Somone! Friendly woodland creatures are attacking me!!! Aaaaaaah--"  
  
"Sesshoumaru, that woman over there is being attacked by peace loving animals, should we help? Or maybe kick her? Or better yet, poke her with a stick!"  
  
"No, Kagura, don't poke the corpse. And stop following me. This Sesshoumaru doesn't need another me obsessed thing! I already have two!!!"  
  
"But...but...! One's a nasty toad thingy! It's all bumpy and icky! Why do you need it?"  
  
"S-sesshoumaru-sama!!! She is insulting me! Your loyal servant Jaken follows you faithfully and is not nearly as annoying as a certain human girl...!"  
  
"Kick the Jaken-sama!!! Wheeee!!!"  
  
"Ack! Stop it, you brat! Ow! Don't kick me! Sesshoumaru-sama!!!"  
  
"Hmmmm...'Kick the Jaken', eh?"  
  
"Noooo, Sesshoumaru-sama!!!"  
  
"Kick the Jaken! See, Sesshoumaru! You can do more than kick me....Nudge nudge, wink wink..."  
  
"Kick the Jaken-sama!!! Wheeee!!!"  
  
"Yes, let's all 'Kick the Jaken' says this Sesshoumaru!"  
  
"Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo--!!!"  
  
The Odd and "Cheesy" Ending. ^_^  
  
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How was it? My first fanfiction in ages! And my first Inuyasha fanfiction at that! Good? Bad? Cheesy? Ahahahaha! Review please!!! (My first time on fanfiction.net too ^_^;;;) 


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